Re-Entry Continued

There are unexpected problems in returning home. Up to 50% of first-time missionaries return home early or don't return for a second term. These wounded people need to identify and process the hurt and anger of failure--to begin to build up their lives again, growing toward mental and spiritual wholeness.  One leader at a missions seminar emphasized, "I have not taught once about the acute need for re-entry help without some missionary responding, ' I was afraid to tell anyone about my feelings. Thanks for letting me know it is okay to feel uncomfortable in coming home.'”

The stress of coming home can include familiar buildings have been torn down and replaced, new ideas gained on the field must be incorporated into the old. Spiritual duress may be caused by the continual memory of the needs of a world lost in sin and what we aren't doing about those needs. Conflicting emotions might occur as a fancy new wardrobe graciously give to them days after a national partner refused to receive a shirt from him with the words, "I have one to wear while I wash the other. A third one would just be wasted!"

Your missionary friends have changed--socially, emotionally, mentally, physically and most of all spiritually.  These occurred slowly, but as you reunite after a long separation the changes may appear drastic.

The missionary, after adjusting to the mission field relatively easily, may have the attitude, " stress on re-entry can't happen to me--I'm just going home."  This may lead to denial. Friends also may assume that re-entry will be simple and won't be looking out for signs of difficulty.  They have no idea what a missionary goes through in living and ministering in a different culture.

Awareness of the factors of re-entry can prepare you to be a strongly supportive friend in the coming home process.

Challenge of re-entry: It is necessary for you, as a support person to keep your eyes and ears open for signs of culture stress in reverse.  The returning field worker may be ill equipped to handle the situation. He knows something is not right: loneliness, disappointment and feelings of being let down, of isolation, and the dizzying speeds of life in the U.S.  He will face challenges of re-entry in one or more of the following areas:

Physically  -jet lag, climate, seasonal and elevation changes

 1) Professionally - going back to a part-time job with emphasis on making ends meet while getting back to fund-raising after the adventure of an overseas experience with alot of responsibility may be a big let down.  He may sense an under-utilization of the skills and experience he gained on the overseas field and loss of independence as he is now under the watchful eye of his employer. Plus, the light of his testimony may have appeared so much brighter out in Mexico where it was dark!

 2) Materially - Financially  - comparatively speaking his money went alot further in Mexico and the people he was associated with had so much less than his family did, but back home where his friends have continued to appear to be "keeping up with the Jones " it may be much harder to keep the family satisfied, not being able to afford what they are seeing in stores.  Personal ownership was less important in Mexico than it is here.  The emphasis on wealth in society and even the church may be difficult for a missionary to handle.

3) Culturally - New beliefs, values, attitudes and behaviors have become a part of our returning family. They may have taken on some of the Latino culture--slower pace, more relaxed atmosphere, more emphasis on people and relationships, zestier foods etc.  They may try to hold on to some of these cultural differences, but our schedules and attitudes may not allow that, leading to irritation and stress.  A major expectation will probably be that people will be interested in their experiences.  Lets invite them into our homes and lives and allow them the luxury of "debriefing" to us--rather than wanting to show them our favorite TV show, giant screen TV, new boat, or super-dooper auto, which may just increase their frustration in coming home and making it clear to them that we don't understand what they are going through and have been through. Acts 14:26-28  Remember what the Church at Antioch did for Paul & Barnabas after the first missionary journey--they called together the whole church and rehearsed before them all that God had done for them (how many hours do you suppose that took?).

4) Socially - Some folks might be concerned that they may not be able to relate well to someone who has been a missionary ( they don't have halos)  or might have unrealistic expectations ( "If I have them over for dinner, will my kids come down with some exotic disease? or Worse! "Their enthusiasm for missions might rub off on me!!"  Former friends and their children's friends have made new friends.  Once dear friends may have left the church or moved away or more embarrassing, someone in the church might not have realized (certainly not at Crossgate) that they have even been gone!

5) Linguistically - They may have spent so much time learning Spanish, they may have forgotten some English words or colloquialisms, especially the children who may be more stressed out if they use words, phrases, slang, which are no longer "in".

6) Nationally, Politically - Having seen the other side of American foreign policies, your returning missionary's political outlook on this country may be affected.  As he simply reads a newspaper editorial about issues now facing his own society, he may be irritated and stressed.  That is when you, as a re-entry support person (a friend), need to be sensitive, with your eyes and ears open to his concerns.

7) Educationally - John & Josie have had a tremendous learning experience over the last two years. Yet their school work has been different, mostly in Spanish, but when John broke his arm, Jen took over and home schooled him (+/- 5 months).  They are bound to have some significant concerns as they prepare for 8th and 3rd grades this fall.  Although they did well in the standardized testing this Spring--those were Mexican standards.  Are there some children and teachers that can sensitively help in this adjustment?

8) Spiritually - Our returning missionaries' lives have concentrated on the salvation and discipling of the nations--and the mercy ministry to the orphan-like street child. They have disentangled themselves from the affairs of this world, "that they may please the One who has called them to be His soldiers (2Tim 2:4).  Now in bold, stark contrast, the demands of what appears to be a self-centered, godless "Christian" society surround them with stress. Even the joys of the "advantages and conveniences" at home in America can create feelings of bewilderment, anger and guilt. The hurt is not just for themselves; it is for the hundreds of people they left back in Mexico who need food and care and Bibles and Christian music and Bible studies and the multitude of other blessings that come freely in America.

Re-entry Behavior Patterns ---there are at least five patterns of behavior that have been noted in returning missionaries. We want to avoid the first four and aim for the fifth. Be alert to their symptoms and help the Burkempers process their feelings, working toward the expression of the fifth pattern. By focusing on it, they will less likely fall into one of the others.

1) Alienation - if the cross-cultural worker comes home with the attitude "I'm just going home" and hasn't been prepared by his mission board or sending church he may begin noticing negative feelings about his/her home culture. Not knowing how to handle what he is seeing and feeling, he may begin withdrawing from various interactions. Some that have this behavior pattern may make excuses and rather than meeting with people, may say, "I don't have my slides together yet".  "The crowds at the baseball game are too noisy." Three weeks later, "I'm still suffering from jet lag."  These may just be shallow pretexts to hide his inner feelings, and internalizing them, sink further into this pattern of alienation. He may feel that there is no one that could possibly understand, to help him process his feelings. This is where you need to help--pull him aside, just the two of you, or three. If he refuses this, it is time to get desperate! Just show up on his doorstep and insist on some fellowship! Get him talking about-- anything, so he begins verbalizing his thoughts.

2) Condemnation - this individual may also express negativity about his home culture. He often has a very judgmental attitude, often about almost anything, and it may become so forceful it make people defensive. Don't let it! Remember this is his problem. Get him to talk to you about it. Help him deal with these issues before they lead to bitterness (Heb 12:15).  If you don't he may unload in the middle of the pastor's Sunday sermon.

3) Reversion - this attitude is brought about by trying to fit into where he was back when he left, but it is no longer. He is likely to gloss over changes by jumping into whatever he is asked to do, leading into the fast lane of American Christianity without allowing himself time to process the incredible changes his body, soul and spirit have endured.

 4) The ultimate escape - is a combination of all three above.  The whirlwind of emotions leaves him or her broken--He backs out of life-spiritually, mentally and emotionally. If you see your returning friend falling into any of these patterns, your help is needed. The most vital help you can give is to listen! Take time to hear his heart, to share his experiences, to care about his feelings and burdens, to see his slides, to be there when he needs someone to talk and laugh and cry with. The gala reunion parties are fine, but what about three in the morning. Be sure he knows you are there for him at any time. "Yes. I'll be right over" are words he might need to hear from you. Then, mostly listening in confidence, interjecting only to encourage him, "How did you feel when that happened?," and affirm him with "That must have been tough/terrifying/exciting/ etc." If you can be sensitive to your friend's re-entry needs you can help him avoid negative behavior patterns and focus on the healthy one:

5) Integration - this occurs on two levels: Immediate & long range

The Immediate

1. Be sure your workers are welcomed on arrival by their close friends but not overwhelmed. They will be tired and need food and a place to rest and relax and maybe a shower.

 b) Have a place for them to stay. "And Paul and Barnabas abode with them for a long time!"  (Acts 14:28) Whether it is with friends, family, or in a place of their own, make sure they are prepared for the accommodations you are providing for them.

 c) Be sure their transportation is dependable and gas money--they will need some independence and the freedom to be mobile.

 d) Provide meals for the first few days--invite them over; bring in food; take them out to their favorite restaurant, but be sensitive.  Don't make it hard for them to say "No" to too much food.
 e) take them shopping--they may feel out of place, but they may also have learned to dress more conservatively and may not feel comfortable with expensive, unnecessary or too many clothes.

 f)  they may need to have help with organization e.g. making doctors appointments. They may no longer be on their former Dr.'s current patient list and may have a hard time getting in. Can you help arrange it ahead of time?

 g) After an appropriate few days, have a get-together--maybe a potluck dinner so they can meet more people in a shorter time ( Jubilee is July 27).  A ladies' tea is a great time for the women to catch up and start to feel a part of things, but again be sensitive. They may need to spend time alone for the first week or so.

 h) Remember the children--each has personal needs, concerns and their own friends to catch up with.

Long Range Interaction
 Help returning missionaries to slowly integrate their new identity and lifestyle into their new environment. They have the opportunity and challenge to be positive change agents--people who can purposefully help all of you back home to see the world more and more from God's perspective. Be open to their new ideas and ways of doing things.

You want to provide an environment for your missionaries to debrief on both levels: What God has done with them and how God has opened the door of faith...in whatever ministry he was engaged.

Look for creative ways to help your missionary introduce global perspectives to your friends. What groups of people could you interest in hearing their reports: The full congregation? Christian Growth Classes? Focus or Cluster groups?  Prayer groups? Public or Private schools? Good News Clubs? Other churches groups? Christian radio or TV? Secular radio or TV? A newspaper article?

They may want to help develop our church's involvement with Latinos or help develop the many aspects of strong sending teams.

Personalizing Re-entry Support
1. Husbands can use help--there will be pressures of responsibility on the husband as provider. Financial support has dropped off for Jamie & Jen and expenses are greater than when they left. They will need a higher degree of financial support to become a long term missionary than short term and they will need to juggle raising support with a part time job. He may come to feel the need for more training as he analyzes where he is and where the Lord is calling him to be.

Behind every good man is a great wife--on the field she played a greater role in ministry than she will when they quit calling her on her cell phone asking her questions of how should they do this or that?  Be sure to allow opportunities for her to share. Often the wife of the team bore enormous pressures in the balance of ministry and family affairs. and her needs to share are equally valid. She may have had help overseas with household chores and might be able to use some help at first acquiring and using what it takes to keep a household clean and in good working order in the U.S. Ask her what help she may need.

Missionary kids are ordinary kids but they will have special concerns. John & Josie were born and raised state-side but after two years in Mexico they have a different view of the world than their friends that haven't been out of the Carolinas and Georgia and can't speak Spanish faster than they speak English.They don't fit the usual stereotype of MKs--No! they didn't live in mud huts. They are neither perfect nor super brats. Just because you're an MK doesn't mean you know your Bible better than everyone else. How can you support an MK? With all the tenderness, understanding and tact, wisdom and patience you would employ in being a re-entry support person for Mom and Dad, use with a missionary child.

  The full version of this is 26 pages long. I intend to obtain more copies. If you would like to read it or Neal Pirolo's book call 885-1115

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